What Happens When You Drink
by tatterdemalion
Summary: That's right. Pai's drunk. And guess who's there to take care of him? LetXPai.


A/N: Yeah…this is a RetasuXPai fan fiction…Pai gets drunk and Retasu cares for him. I hope you enjoy my horrible attempt at romance!

& & &

Now here was a sight you didn't see every day.

Pai was sitting at a smoky, but relatively quiet bar in Tokyo, mulling over a glass of strong American beer.

They had let him in without a hassle too (after all, he looked about twenty-two Earth years at the least).

Taruto and Kisshu had been squabbling again, the reason for his being here. Normally they would argue occasionally, but the repeated losses to the Mew Mews had been fraying all of their nerves.

Desperately seeking refuge, Pai had teleported downtown and wandered for some hours before arriving at the bar.

Staring apprehensively at the offending beer, Pai took a swig and held back a startled cough.

Damn, that stuff was strong! "Not like the watered down crud back at home," he muttered dryly to himself, allowing a small smile to slip through his lips.

A lot of things were wrong in his life right now.

A group of colour-coordinated human girls were thwarting every carefully calculated and planned attack he threw at them, Deep Blue-sama was growing impatient with lack of progress, and he suspected Kisshu was beginning to develop feelings for one of the Mews.

Silently, Pai drained the rest of the beer in one head tilt.

An hour later five empty glasses sat before Pai, the alien in question halfway through his sixth. Looking down, Pai saw four glasses of amber liquid clutched in his four hands.

"Damn human concoction, damaging my eyesight…" he grumbled irritably, and stood up. Wavering precariously, Pai exited the bar.

& & &

Retasu Midorikawa sat on the porch of her house in the late-night stillness, giggling breathlessly to herself like a small girl at a sleepover.

Ryou Shirogane, THE Ryou Shirogane had walked her home, given her his coat to wear when she complained of the cold, and graciously allowed her a day off because her parents were out of town and her little brother was ill. Retasu sighed as romantic thoughts sailed through her head when a man staggered in front of her vision, swayed drunkenly on the spot for a few seconds and promptly fell face-first onto the pavement.

Retasu hurried forward as the man picked himself up on his elbows.

"Damn human gravity…" Retasu was closer and could now see the man's face and large, elf-like ears. She gasped.

"Pai?"

The latter scowled up at her. "Pie's the last thing on my mind. Some kind of human drink just POISONED me!"

Bending down, Retasu caught a whiff of alcohol and recoiled. "Pai-san…are you DRUNK?" she exclaimed.

Pai shrugged helplessly. Retasu glanced up and down the street. She could see neither Kisshu nor Taruto, leaving no one to assist her with the drunken alien. She sighed.

"Well, can you teleport back to your ship?" she asked.

In response, Pai got to his feet shakingly, and then disappeared.

He reappeared again two metres away, landing with a crunch on her mother's prized flowerbeds.

Retasu winced.

"Nope!" Pai told her cheerfully.

Retasu rolled her eyes heavenward, mentally debating between her duty as a Mew Mew, and her pity for the now slightly giddy alien.

Watching Pai pull a crushed flower from beneath him and study it with childish fascination, her pity won and she helped him to his feet and led him into her house.

& & &

Pai was a very talkative drunk. So far he had told her his life dream, how humans could solve global warming using codes in a computer, and the 11, 355 uses for duct tape.

"Do you have any parents?" Retasu asked, sliding a cup of tea across the table to Pai.

Pai shook his head, becoming solemn for a moment. "No. They both died when I was little, so I went to live with my uncle."

Retasu pondered this. In the half year she'd been fighting the aliens, she really knew nothing about them, and gathering information might help with the Mew Mew's battles.

"So…" Retasu tried to be as nonchalant as she could manage, "What are you guys planning to do if you eliminate all humans?"

Unfortunately, along with being a talkative drunk, Pai was also a very SMART drunk, and he frowned.

"What are you, a reporter?" he snapped at her sullenly.

An awkward silence followed, broken only by Pai stirring the tea absentmindedly and Retasu's nervous coughs.

"Look, I'm sorry," Pai apologized completely out of character, catching Retasu off guard.

"I didn't mean to snap."

"It was my fault. Gomen nasai…" Retasu whispered meekly, avoiding eye contact.

Pai seemed irritated at the girl's shyness. "Why are you so shy all the time? It doesn't hurt to stand up for yourself once in a while."

Retasu was a bit taken aback. "I – I don't know. I just…don't want to hurt people, that's all."

"You should learn to be more aggressive. And look at a person when they're speaking to you," Pai lifted Retasu's chin with his hand, "It's polite."

Retasu's face turned beet red. "Gomen nasai!" she cried, jerking her chin from Pai's grasp and bowing so her head was inches from the table. "I didn't mean to be rude!"

Pai sighed. "You're hopeless, you know that Mew girl?"

"My name is Retasu." the girl in question offered. Pai smiled. "That's a pretty name."

If possible, Retasu's face darkened several shades. So, to distract herself from the embarrassment, she made a smooth change to another subject…

"DO YOU WANT MORE TEA!" she bellowed, standing up with her hands placed on the table.

Pai stared at her. "…No, I'm fine."

After that outburst, Retasu looked so red Pai feared she was about to faint, when suddenly a dark figure emerged from the shadows of the sitting room.

"Retasu-onee-san? Who are you talking to?" It was Retasu's younger brother Megumi, rubbing sleep from his eyes and clutching an empty water glass, a confused expression on his face when he saw his older sister with a strange, purple haired man.

"Uhm…" Retasu was at a loss for words, clutching the fingers of her right hand so hard they started to turn white. She didn't need to make up any wild excuses though, for Megumi suddenly looked enlightened. "This is another one of those weird dreams, isn't it? Like that one where I went to school naked."

Amazed at his own brilliance, Megumi nodded sagely, refilled his glass and plodded up to bed once more.

Retasu stared after her brother incredulously, wondering how he could possibly be so dense. He was probably half asleep.

Pai looked slightly amused. "Who was that?"

"Oh! That…that was my younger brother, Megumi."

Pai nodded, and an awkward silence descended over the two.

Retasu fiddled with her braids, and then promptly stood up. "I apologize Pai-san, but it is late and we – I – must go to bed."

Pai staggered to his feet, and began to teleport.

"Oh…I'm not sure that's such a great – "

Pai teleported and then reappeared a second later behind Retasu. He blinked slowly, confused.

"…Kisshu, you look different. You look kind of like that cute Mew girl that took care of me tonight."

Retasu blushed furiously – again. "Pai-san, it's me, Retasu. You – you haven't left my house."

Pai frowned. "I knew that. Kisshu would never wear the sort of skirt."

It was all Retasu could do to not laugh helplessly.

& & &

"You – I guess you can sleep here…" Retasu opened the spare room door, revealing a dusty mattress and closed curtains.

"G-gomen nasai! It hasn't been used in awhile…" Retasu stammered and frantically began beating at the mattress. Dust flew everywhere and both girl and alien dissolved into coughing fits. Retasu straightened up, covering her mouth and offered a weak apology.

"I'll get some sheets."

A few minutes later, Retasu had bade Pai goodnight and left him in the small room lying awkwardly on the guest bed. But Pai couldn't sleep. His senses were on overload and it felt like he was floating, detached from his body. Slowly, he got up and exited the room. The hallway was dark. With his sensitive hearing, Pai heard the snuffles and light breathing of the child across the hall, the green Mew's brother. And next to his room…

He pushed the door open. Retasu was already asleep, tucked securely beneath the blankets. Pai examined her face, even more pretty and feminine without her large glasses. Silently he drew his fan, his face grim. He raised the fan over her head, poised to kill, when she stirred and rolled over, flooding moonlight over her face.

Pai drew back as her eyelids fluttered open to stare at him in confusion.

"P-Pai-san?" she whispered fearfully, eyeing the fan in his hand with wariness.

Sighing, Pai dropped his hand, bent over and smoothed her hair back. "Go back to sleep, Retasu-san." He murmured and eventually her eyelids dropped and her breathing became regular.

He couldn't do it. And that's what scared him the most. If he couldn't destroy his own enemy (albeit a really cute one) how was he supposed to accomplish his mission? Even worse, what would Deep-Blue-sama say? Pai winced inwardly at the thought. So instead he contented himself by kneeling by Retasu's bedside and watching the girl's peaceful slumber…

& & &

Retasu's eyes cracked open and quickly shut as bright morning light flooded her vision. She took her time getting up, fumbling for her glasses and stretching languidly. It was only then did she see Pai, asleep by her bed. She jumped backwards in alarm, falling off her bed with a muffled shriek. Getting herself together, she peeked cautiously over the edge of her bed. Pai's head was resting on his arms and he was breathing softly. His violet hair fell over his large ears and on the whole made him look very adorable…

Horrified, Retasu almost slapped herself. What was she doing! Think other thoughts, other thoughts…umm…Shirogane-san! Yes!

Even now she could see his beautiful face in her mind, with his deep dark eyes and soft purple hair…eek! That wasn't Shirogane-san!

While Retasu was having this sort of inner battle, Pai was slowly waking up. The first thing he felt was the pounding headache of a hangover. The first thing he saw was Retasu peering at him from the other side of the bed. He raised an eyebrow at her, and she immediately started stuttering apologies. Pai rose to his feet, straightening his wrinkled clothing and politely bowed. "Thank you for your hospitality Retasu-san."

Retasu also rose, confused. "Pai-san…"

"But this doesn't change anything," he continued, his face serious. "I am still your enemy, so do not expect any repayment on the battle field."

Retasu's face broke into a sweet smile. "I wouldn't expect anything less, Pai-san."

They stared at each other in silence for a moment, until…

"Retasu-onee-chan, are you up? I – AUUGH! IT'S THAT GUY FROM MY DREAM! HE'S HERE! RETASU-ONEE-CHAN, WHAT'S GOING – "

Retasu threw herself at her brother who had just walked in the door to her room.

"Megumi-kun, it's all right! Don't worry…"

She turned back to Pai but the older alien had disappeared. Confused she looked around but then smiled again.

Pai-san… 

High above her house, Pai hovered, unsure.

Retasu-san…you are a special kind of person… 

He smiled, before teleporting back to his ship.

END!

A/N: I know, I know, there was no kissing, but I don't think Pai's the kind of person to just kiss his enemy like that, suddenly, and I wanted to keep it a LITTLE in character (although the drunk Pai probably broke all those boundaries). Please read and review! Ja ne!


End file.
